I Know You've all Heard of Sleep Walking...

but have you ever heard of sleep eating?

That's English...

1. James, while John had had "had", had had "had had", "had had" had had a better effect on the teacher.

2. Buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo Buffalo buffalo.

3. That that is is that that is not is not is that it it is.

Do you understand what it is these sentences are saying? If you don't, stay up really late, eat a pound of gummy worms and you may be able to understand them, even if only for a brief moment. Lucky for you, I hit both those criteria tonight...so I'll do my best at translating for you.

1. "While John had used 'had,' James had used 'had had.' The teacher had preferred 'had had'.

2. Bison from Buffalo, New York, who are intimidated by other bison in their community also happen to intimidate other bison in their community. *Note, to intimidate is "to buffalo".

3. Easy to understand with just some added punctuation. "That that is, is. That that is not, is not. Is that it? It is.

It's amazing the clarity that gummy worms can bring.

Why I Suck: Part II

This was definitely one of my most favorite posts of all time. So I'm resurrecting it because I know you all want to know why we suck this year.

Well, let me tell you...

Ashlyn sucks because she has worn this dress every day since I bought it a couple of weeks ago. This picture was taken before the peanut butter got smashed in it, but after you could smell the milk that got spilled down the front of it.

Austin sucks because he doesn't nap anymore, and when he does nap (even for just 5 minutes) this is how wide awake he is at 11:00 at night. (Although at least he finally learned how to walk!)

I suck because now I have slippers to go with my bathrobe and I see no reason to ever get dressed again. Like ever again.

Rusty sucks because this is his laptop. Which is really a conglomerate of all laptops we've ever owned since 1992 (which is appropriate considering that he plays Commodore 64 on it). Notice how that screen is much too big for his laptop? Yeah, it sucks.

I bet you've never seen behind a laptop screen, huh? Or risk electrocution every time you sit down to get online?

Well, that's because you don't suck.

Now for real this time, tell me why you suck.

Confession Time: Glee Edition

I'm not even a little bit attracted to women, and yet I have the biggest crush on Sue Sylvester.

P.S.

It's a good thing we're moving, because I'm pretty sure that I'm taking the discussions from the Jehovah Witnesses.

Lucky Number 28!

The best part of having a four-year-old is that I get to borrow her birthday crown for my birthday.

I'm going to wear it all day.

Austin *with Update

How do you tell your two-year-old son that you can't paint his fingernails blue like his older sister's?

*Update - How do you explain to your husband that you painted his son's fingernails??

Moving Again

And I actually have to do all the work this time! We're just moving across town to a much bigger, less expensive house. I'm so excited for all the extra room we're going to have. We'll be moving in right after Christmas and our new ward will start meeting at 11:00 just like our current ward...coincidence? Nope. I bet next year we'll be moving again back into the 11:00 ward.

What better way to spend our 7th anniversary then by moving for the 13th time?

Elder Holland Quote

One of my favorite quotes by an apostle is the following by Elder Jeffrey R. Holland (or John Bytheway - wikipedia wasn't sure):

The future of this world has long been declared; the final outcome between good and evil is already known. There is absolutely no question as to who wins because the victory has already been posted on the scoreboard. The only really strange thing in all of this is that we are still down here on the field trying to decide which team's jersey we want to wear!

Seriously guys...it's time for Team Jacob to jump ship.

My Thursday Observation

I tried to text the word "tofu" to my mom today. My cell phone didn't allow it. It allowed "unev", "unfu", "unet" and "undu", but not tofu.

I figure since it's not a word, it's probably not a food either.

Optimistic

There comes a time every few months where I realize that something is missing. Here's the conversation I had with myself a week or so ago...because yes, I do talk to myself fairly frequently.

Darn. I don't think I've seen Austin's sippy cup in a little while. I bet it's in that cedar chest. No, I don't think it is...the kids had their blocks in there last time they were playing with it. Crap. I bet it's in the car...full of nasty spoiled milk.

Guess what? It totally was. in my car. for like three of four days. Disgusting.

Now it's kind of funny because earlier that day I had had a conversation with Oprah...because yes, most of the time when I'm talking to myself I pretend like I'm being interviewed by Oprah...you don't? That's weird.

Oprah: If you want your life to be more rewarding, you have to change the way you think. Me: Should I start with my blog? I keep pissing and moaning about the weather. Hmmm...

So guess what? Today I'm going to take Oprah's advice and I'm going to shout joyous praises about the weather! So because the temperature is lower than that of our fridge (and most likely our freezer, too) that milk wasn't gross at all! And because I'll probably leave a sippy cup in the car 122 more times until Spring, I'm especially grateful for the cold.

So thanks Oprah. Thanks for making me see the brighter side of things.

Happy Halloween!

We took the easy way out when it came to carving Ashlyn's pumpkin. Here's what she was saying while posing for the picture, "This is what I looked like when I was a pumpkin."

Classic Austin face (both Austin and the pumpkin). Rusty even picked out a pumpkin that looks like it has a boogery face.

Ashlyn's Tinkerbell costume. Homemade even!

And when I say homemade, I mean that I took last year's costume and spray painted it green.

Here's my little Tinkerbell and Peter Pan pre-Trick or Treating. Austin's costume was also homemade. It's amazing how much skill I can muster when faced with buying a $30 costume. Total spent? $7.98 on both.

Rusty went as Book Face and I was Sue Sylvester. Yes, we do watch too much TV.

Sorry kids that we ate all your candy last night once you fell asleep!

Because Well, It's Tradition Now

The last two years, I've blogged about the Boise State - University of Hawaii football game. Two years ago, because we lived across the street from the Aloha Stadium and reveled in their win. One year ago, because we had moved to Boise and reveled in burning the BSU shirt I had to buy for work.

But this year was horrifying. My BSU fan friends are so embarassed for me that they're not even making fun of me. Where's the love?

I don't blame you though, with a loss that drastic if I hadn't have thrown away my UH shirt after last week's loss to Idaho, I would've roasted some marshmellows over it myself...

*Insert casual joke about why I obviously can't burn my UH sweatshirt because I'll need all the sweatshirts I can get this winter.

Melted Gummy Vitamins

I thought that this would be an easy blog contest, but apparently this phenomenon only happens to me. In fact, the only three times in my life that I've bought these things, they've melted. But seriously, two people guessed that it was ballistic material you shoot into people's bodies? WHAT KIND OF PEOPLE AM I FRIENDS WITH??? Oh, that's right...democrats, funeral directors and dominatrices.

Better luck next time!

You're All Wrong

You get one more chance to get it right. Should I up the prize? How about I'll take you out to dinner. And yes, I'm only offering that because apparently no one knows what the heck this thing is.

Blog Contest

If you can tell me what this is, I'll take you out for ice cream. I may even drive all the way to you (depending on how much I like you) because there is no Coldstone in my new town. Probably because the temperatures have already seen the single digits and it's only October.

P.S. I promise to stop whining about the weather.

P.P. S In July.

Dam Dam Dam

1. It's not swearing if it's spelled wrong.

2. Even if it was swearing, it's ok because it's swearing about the snow.

The Inevitable is Looming Over Us

Do you see that? Yeah, it's snow.

And Thus it Begins...

Austin is officially two.

And all because I wouldn't let him shoplift the chapstick from Wal Mart.

On a more positive note, his pediatrician has demanded that he gain weight. (Which is surprising because his first and last words of every day is "EAT!") His above 90th percentile in height just does not coincide well with his below 40th percentile in weight. So he gets to stay on whole milk for the year, and I've been ordered to slather butter, peanut butter, cheese and bacon on everything he eats. He doesn't know how lucky he is.

Note to Self

When stumbling downstairs in the middle of the night to get a drink of water. Don't scream at the man with the weapons standing in your living room.

It's just Legolas. And he's here to protect you.

Confession Time: Trip to Washington Edition

I stole Legolas.

Dear Nigerians,

I would be more likely to fall for your Craigslist scams if...

a. Your English was better than my three-year-old's.

and

b. You wouldn't offer more money for an already overpriced item.

Work on that and then maybe we can talk about shipping my Wii to another country.

Worlds Colliding

I love Seinfeld. I think he would have a hay day with Facebook.

See that's the problem with Facebook...your worlds collide. It's kind of like how it was at your wedding, but every day. You've got your family, your work friends, your school friends, your church friends, your weird internet friends that you don't want anybody to know about...and they all come together into one place. The trick is to find a middle ground among status updates to appeal to all of them. It's impossible. So do you congratulate Luke and Amy on their non-engagement and risk alienating your school friends that you're still trying to impress even though high school was over 10 years ago? Or do you talk about your wonderful Sunday school lesson and confuse your NOM friends. And how in the world do you let your current mom friends tag "fat" pictures of yourself when you're friends with ex-boyfriends and their wives??

And let's be honest, it's a little awkward when someone calls me "Teni" (think Ten-ee the latter half of Brit-tany) on facebook. 'Cuz come on, that was only my fake name for two years. And what if I wanted another fake name in my life? It'd be almost impossible.

Facebook is killing independent Brittany.

As Dark as My Soul *with Update

New hair cut. New color.

Which means it's time for a self portrait in the bathroom with the camera phone while everyone is sleeping/passed out from the noxious hair dye fumes.

*Update - While I do appreciate the phone calls, you don't actually have to worry about my soul.

Shoe Shopping

Upon moving to my new location, I realized that I was going to need some new shoes. Sturdy, tough, warm winter shoes that I won't slip around in.

I looked forever, until I found these...

I know what you're thinking. But I decided that if there's 6 feet of snow on the ground, I'm just going to stay home.

The Kids

Ashlyn:

Age: Almost 4

Favorite time of day: "When Austin's in time out I am SO HAPPY!"

Hobbies: Coloring, reading, puzzles.

Austin: 2 next month

Favorite word: Nake-ned. "NO CLOTHES!! NO CLOTHES! NAKE-NED MOMMY NAAAKE-NEEEED!"

Hobbies: Smacking Ashlyn.

I hung this picture on their wall, so that they can remember that when bribed with ice cream and happy meals, they do love each other.