Happy Festivus!

Or Smithmas or Christmas Adam, or whatever made up holiday you like to celebrate today.

I keep with Festivus because it's the only time of year I get away with airing my grievances.

Grief #1: Laugh Tracks

I hate them. I realized the other night when I caught an episode of How I Met Your Mother how obnoxious they are. Apparently, when I was 8 and watching reruns of Full House on an hourly basis, the obnoxious laugh track was overshadowed by the general obnoxiousness of the entire show. If you need to tell me when to laugh, you're not funny enough.

I think I will record my own laugh track and carry it around with me on a tape player so people will laugh at my jokes.

I mean it.

Or maybe just an applause sign. Because when I save $16.23 at Safeway, people really should cheer for me. *Laugh now*

Grief #2: Pictures of bloody cuts

There is never a time when I want to go to your family blog or log into Facebook just to see a huge picture of your son's arm hanging by a couple of muscle tendons because a dog mauled him.

I watch Greys Anatomy for that.

There is NEVER a time when I want to see your husband with shards of glass sticking through his abdomen. NEVER EVER. (Granted, I did have appropriate warning for that one AND I went searching for it AND it's still your fault I saw it).

Do you have the picture yet? Or should I post one? The answer to that question is always NO.

Grief #3: Waitresses that try to memorize my order

When I am telling a friend about a restaurant, I bring up things like "great food...great prices...great atmosphere...free chips and salsa as soon as you get there." I never ever say,

"OMG Mom! You have to try out Chili's in Port Orchard! Their waiters have THE best memories EVER."

JUST WRITE IT DOWN DAM IT!

Feats of Strength:

The second part of Festivus is the feats of strength. Rust and I spent the day snowboarding, and we did a Blue Square. And for those of you not with the lingo, a blue square is basically a black diamond when you suck. That was pretty featish of us.

And sorry, no festivus pole this year. We have a real Christmas tree and Rusty was unwilling to cut off all of its branches.

Happy Festivus everyone!